Friday, February 25, 2011

Mr. Mittens Bark Twice If You're In Cinncinnati

SHITTING KITTENS (verb): A massive over-reaction to an event of nominal importance. 

Example of use in a sentence: "He totally shit a kitten and threw his coffee on the floor of Starbucks because the barista short changed him a dime."

Thursday, February 24, 2011

The Rumpus That Dare Not Speak It's Name

One must bend with the knees when lifting such a gigantic unwieldy slice of fire pie. 

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Sexy Rumpus Haiku Of The Day

He parked her car good
But he dented her bumper
Bruise shaped like Elvis

She was powerless against
Her smattering of freckles
SPF 60

Two hours of sleep
Crooked teeth made her do it
A slice of firepie

What chance is there that
His gum boots were titillating?

There could be no doubt
His turban was a turn on
SWAT team uniform

Friday, February 18, 2011

The Insomnia Only Deserves One Haiku

Hello 5am
Why can't you give me some space?
Too early for toast

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Random Haiku Of The Day

Little Bot fly please
Don't lay your larvae in me
Let's make other plans

Cauliflower Ear
I'm just not that into you
Even with cheese sauce

What kind of asshole
Doesn't like Pee Wee Herman
Brill cream romeo

What I wouldn't do
For lobster mashed potatoes
Get in my belly

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Is That A Baby Carrot In Your Pants Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

Pierre Le Deuce sent Mr. Bunndini a very terse letter imploring him to stop stealing the thoughts from inside his head as to possible future hairstyles. While Mr. Bunndini is unsure as to the validity of these accusations (or the current mental state of Mr. Le Deuce) he nonetheless would never want to offend a dear friend and therefore is posting these shots on behalf of Pierre and his fabulous hair. He's really liking the idea of an updo but is concerned it will be too high maintenance.

Mazel Tov


Hold The Mayo

Total Eclipse Of The Heart


The Hamburgler

Sunday, February 13, 2011

That Deer Mask Smells Like Jameson Shots and Barf

Captured below are some very rare photographs illustrating the exact moment of the occurrence of an authentic GLOCKENSPIEL SITUATION.  Identities have been concealed to protect the intoxicated.

Friday, February 11, 2011

Bacon Haiku Of The Day

Bacon wrapped scallop
Also known as Jews Gone Wild
Will you marry me?

If I met a pig
I’d say get out of my dreams
And into my mouth

What kind of asshole
Forsakes bacon for salad?

Jack Sprat had it wrong
Go look it up on Google
Chicken fried bacon

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Vulcan Haiku Of The Day

Spock your first name is 
Deeply unpronouncable
Live long and prosper

Captain Kirk loves you
Love him back you cannot do
Let your freak flag fly

Vulcan plus human 
Emotionally detached
And all man to me

Warp speed go go go
Where no man has gone before
Like a vulcano

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Mammal Haiku Of The Day

What is the point of
A guinea pig with no coat?
Unadorned rodent

Last nights spaghetti
Stuck in your your silky cat fur
Feline rain slicker

A houndstooth jacket
Woven from the skin of hounds
Would PETA approve?

Hamsters in sweaters
Tiny dogs in jaunty vests
Thanks for your support

Sunday, February 6, 2011

Do You Like Jam?

Dear Mom:

I know you love me but could you please stop calling me at 8am on Sunday mornings? Thanks for your cooperation.

Mr. Bunndini

P.S. I'm not a lesbian

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Help I'm Stuck On Dance Floor

Like most people Mr. Bunndini loves a good collective noun, be it a ponce of cats or a murder of crows, but has always found it deeply unfair that such terms are limited to the animal kingdom. For the sake of easier social categorizing I propose the following collective nouns. Please discuss.

A scandal of gays
A moving van of lesbians
A puberty of pedophiles
A fart of truckers
A hargow of Chinese
A sludge of plumbers
A dryhump of teenagers
A brazen of sluts
A belch of rednecks
A kvetch of Jews
An irony of hipsters
A rancid of homeless people
A piercing of goths
A whine of babies
A clap of hookers
A stirfry of vegetarians
A pout of secretaries
A jangle of hippies
A conundrum of autistics
A snaggle of dentists

Thursday, February 3, 2011

Like A Vulcano

Mr. Bunndini has such love and reverence for Mr. Spock that he will refrain from making an inappropriate joke to accompany this photo which may or may not have incorporated the word "pussy".