Monday, August 30, 2010

Mr. Bunndini’s Brilliant Inventions: The Food Addition

Mr. Bunndini likes to eat and is also very lazy which, along with age and gravity, may explain the flabby upper arms. I also regularly eat food that others find repugnant like marmite, pickled eggs, liver and onions, Thrills gum, really stinky blue cheeses, kim chee and sardines. But despite the plethora of good eats I have at my disposal there are still a few snacks that I long for and these in particular keep me up at night:

HP Sauce flavored potato chips
Bacon bit embedded processed cheese slices
Marzipan Kit Kat chocolate bar

Thursday, August 26, 2010

I Like The Cut Of Your Jib

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Crazy On You

BARRACOUGAR (noun): A woman over the age of 40 whose sexual advances are so extreme and tenacious that they render her victim completely defenseless and unable to resist regardless of degree of actual interest.

May later result in a horrific bout of ball churning.

* This post brought to you in part by the tall and charming Mr. Moustachio.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Nobody Likes A Quitter

GLOCKENSPEIL (verb, noun, adjective, adverb): A secret code word used to alert a friend in a dire state of drunkenness that their embarrassing behaviour has rendered them unable to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner. Often occurs immediately prior to hailing a cab.

See also Frankenstein, Sunny Side Up and Pudding Pops.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Corn Nutz Big Adventure

You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner Dottie. A rebel.

Monday, August 16, 2010

On The Hamsterfront

You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Thou Art To Me A Delicious Torment

I don’t know if I mentioned it already but Mr. Bunndini has officially declared it hamster week.

(this could possibly also include other small rodents such as guinea pigs, gerbils and squirrels but for the sake of clarity we are going to put them all under the hamster banner).

Saturday, August 14, 2010

No Judgment

I received this text message from my dear friend Polyanna but may not be understanding exactly what she was trying to say :

"Nothilog cold make me happier that refinni You No The voy od0brethf the syra"

Please advise.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Roll Me In Designer Sheets

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call but I change their names slightly with a "Mc" and a "bottom" surrounding their last name. John McSmithbottom calling. Ignore.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Sunday, August 8, 2010

The Tears Of A Clown

OVERSHARING (verb): Overly personal, often sexual, remarks shared to a group by a person oblivious of the inappropriateness of aforementioned remarks thus creating an uncomfortable atmosphere.

This awkward atmosphere that can only be dissipated by making the international sign of oversharing by touching ones arms above ones head to form an "O". Can also be abbreviated in tight quarters (like on a crowded bus) by creating a smaller "O" with thumb and forefinger.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Strike One

I have a strict rule that I do not participate in any activities that end in “-athon”.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Hot & Fast Free Delivery

Tonight I ordered myself some chinese from the szechuan place around the corner and when I opened the bag, along with my fried tofu deluxe vegetables and other assorted spicy goodies, there were four sets of chopsticks. Two sets I could understand but four seemed like a purposeful jab at my extreme level of gluttony as someone would have had to evaluate the amount of food I ordered for just myself and surmise that it could only be consumed by a group of four people. On the upside there was also four fortune cookies and none of the fortunes said "you should avoid your scale" or "this week shows potential for growth" - and I checked very carefully as I ate all four of them. Huzzah!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

I'm Like A Truth Machine

JUDGE JUDY TIME (noun, verb): The variety of activities that you perform after you CROSS THE OFFICE RUBICON. These tasks are most often conducted whilst sitting at your desk under the guise of doing actual work and may include constantly checking facebook and/or randomly texting photos of kittens to your hungover friends but can also involve "working from home".

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Houston We Have A Problem

CROSSING THE OFFICE RUBICON (verb): The exact moment at work when you realize and accept that you are not going to get anything else productive done for the rest of the day.

Mr. Bunndini's Favourite Pick-up Line

"I don't want to be alone tonight but I do in the morning if you know what I mean"