Thursday, December 17, 2015

Hey Look A Fluffy Cat In A Santa Hat

Thanks for clogging up my email inbox with holiday greetings companies who clog up my inbox the rest of the year with equally unimportant crap I also don't care about.  

Thursday, December 10, 2015

It's Not That I Don't Care About _____________

It's just that I don't care about your _____________

Wednesday, December 9, 2015

Blame It On The Lactobacillus Bulgaricus

The answer to the question of whether that yogurt that was best before 3 weeks ago is still good has been determined to be a resounding no. 

Wednesday, December 2, 2015

Is That 51 Live Turtles Smuggled In Your Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

A man visits a zoo and the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu.

Monday, November 9, 2015

I'm Taking To You

When you call me on the phone to clarify something I laid out very clearly in an email and then when I don't answer text me to ask me to call you back to explain it then get offended when I suggest you email me any questions you may have about my email to you. 

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Really November?

How I feel about turning the heat and all the lights on at 1pm today.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Friday, October 23, 2015

Thug Life

When you haven't gone grocery shopping in over a week so eat all the random food items in the fridge in weird combinations in a fugue state on the couch watching Nashville.

Thursday, October 22, 2015

Put Some Russet In Your Gusset

Don't be a hater. Be a tater dater!

Saturday, October 10, 2015

Sunday, October 4, 2015

Overwhelmed With Kittens

Would probably be one of the better ways to die.

Friday, October 2, 2015

Yas Queen

Pull your head out of that Canada Dry box and get on the bus!

Monday, September 21, 2015

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

There Must Be A Sale On Bonker Juice

Because everyone I have talked to today has been drinking a shit ton of it.

Tuesday, September 15, 2015

Hey Tuesday You Would Be Well Advised To Grant Me A Wide Berth

Mr. Bunndini is still super grumpy and trying not to tell everyone to fuck off constantly all day via email, text, telepathy and in-person communications. 

Extreme bad mood/general malaise may be caused by several factors including but not limited to:

1. Less than stellar weather
2. Lack of Mavis Stapler
3. Fruit flies
4. Unsatisfying work interactions
5. Possible Mavis Stapler withdrawal
6. Slow leak on bike tire (just stop dicking around and go flat already!)

Monday, September 14, 2015

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

First World Problems

Thankfully this is the last year I will have to see this view. After 6 years it was getting fairly lackluster and the drive was killing me.

Cooper on the other hand is the exact opposite of lackluster.

And he knows it.

Sunday, August 9, 2015

A Baby Came Out Of Your Vagina. Good For You.

But I'm not baking you a fucking lasagna. 

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

Monday, July 27, 2015

It Was Basically Just A Fish Deal With A Bit Of Chit Chat

Monday bad news: 
- broken iPhone screen
- expensive bulb replacement on car
 - humans calling me on the phone asking stupid questions

 Monday good news:
- hummingbirds
- science podcasts
- bacon bits made from coconut

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Nobody Can Eat 50 Eggs

There is a 5-18 hour window of when I will eat a banana after I take it home from the store.