Friday, February 27, 2015

R.I.P. Leonard Nimoy

Vulcan plus human
Pointy ears and salty tears
Beam him up Scotty

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Do You Like Jam?

                                                                                                      HAMJAMMED (verb, noun). From the French 'jambon':
1. A state of extreme intoxication.
2. Literally having your ham rammed with a nice home-made jam.
3. A traditional Swiss entree often served with rice and gravy.

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

I Hear You Knocking But You Can't Come In

Because if you come in I'll probably cuddle you and your tiny little teddy bear to death and that would be wrong.

Sunday, February 15, 2015

Possible Titles Of My Autobiography

Pickleback Like Me.
All Filler, No Killer.
How I Learned Not To Google "Massive Bezoar" at 3am.
A Juggernaut Of Misplaced Anxiety.
It's Always Meatballs.
Encouraging Long Walks Off Short Piers Since 1970.
Zero Fucks Given.
A Heartbreaking Work Of Staggering Gardenias.
Call Me Bunndini.
Weird Articles About Ferrets.
I Totally Forgot I Was Stoned.
Like A Sweater That Keeps Knitting And Knitting And Knitting And Knitting And Knitting.
My Story. Not At All Sorry.  
I'm Not Sure How I Feel About Melon.

Saturday, February 14, 2015

Friday, February 13, 2015

Onvuousky February Is Tiny Hat Month


Hey Gloria is there some kind of theme going on here?

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Monday, February 9, 2015

Word On The Street

Don't eat herbs washed in possible deer poop or you will barf in a bucket all night long. 

Friday, February 6, 2015

To The Bang Bang Boogie Say up Jump The Boogie To The Rhythm Of The Boogie The Beat

I made it 18 hours into "Dry February" before I decided that "Having Fun And Giving No Fucks February" sounded like a much better idea. I do not regret my decision.

Thursday, February 5, 2015

On Top Of Spaghetti All Covered In Cheese

Did you happen to find my poor meatball? I think somebody sneezed.

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

When I Say Wednesday You Say Bite Me

If you are any of the following please leave a meassage after the tone that I will return never:

1. A sad angry ball of old elastic bands rolling around in the bottom of a drawer full of dusty newspapers and empty gin bottles.

2. A passive agressive cold sore on the lip of progress.

3. A day-old cold cappuccino made with curdled unsweetened soy milk that may be mistakenly sipped from as it resides directly next to the freshly made cup which now is tainted by the indiscretion.

4. The wailing child who lives beneath me who has a vastly sliding scale of a bed time.

5. A selfish jerk of a baby of a jerk of a salty crusty binge-drinking jerk.

6. Any other non-specified jerks.

7. Any people who tolerate the jerks and blame the non-jerks for the jerks jerkiness.

8.  The smell at the bottom of the recycling bin after a week long tuna sandwich bender.

9. Pus in all it's many incarnations.

10. Yo mamma.

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

I Put My Thing Down Flip It And Reverse It

Son of a muffin people are annoying today and it's only 9am.