Friday, August 31, 2012

Seriously People That Is Super Gross Haiku Of The Day

Dogs shit, people spit. 
It's not the beach it's Main Street. 
Put your shoes on please.

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

You Know The One Where You Eat Too Many Corn Dogs

Mr. Bunndini and Mr. Firepie played hooky from the office yesterday and went to the annual festival of gluttony and scary rides known as the Pacific National Exhibition. I ate a hamburger, fries, corn dog, lemonade, mini donuts and corn on the cob in the space of 4 hours and then had a belly ache all night (but it was worth it).

There were bunnies

Super tired ducklings

Horses eating lunch

Corn dogs with plenty o' mustard

The Star Trek exhibition chock full of lateral lisping nerds and their lateral lisping children

Living quarters on the Starship Enterprise are very Danish Modern influenced.

Is that a Borg in your pants or are you just glad to see me?

Sexy space lady costumes

Donuts of the mini variety

Floss of the candy variety

Thanks but I will pass

I think these guys may be related to Conky

Squids be hanging

Moles be whack 

We left right before the rains came and washed all the scum off the streets. 

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Friday, August 17, 2012

What Would Have Done On My Summer Vacation.....

......... if I had a summer vacation

Outdoor grilling


Water sports


A little exercise

Enjoy some cold refreshing beverages

Enjoy the cigarettes that go well with cold refreshing beverages

Catch up on current events

But now it's more than half way through August and there is a noticeable chill in the air already and basically all I did this summer........ this

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

He Is That Kind Of Doctor

Mr. Firepie tells some very good jokes and this is one of them:

What do you not want to hear when you are giving Willy Nelson a blow job?

"I'm not Willy Nelson"

Friday, August 10, 2012

Ay Caramba!

It's official. Conky has forsaken us all. He left me at 4am this morning and has not been back since. I also have it on good authority from Mr. Firepie that he is not in Sweden or Denmark. Dr. Mace has not seen him in Texas in quite awhile and he is also not on Main Street. If you see him please tell him to come home immediately and bring some soy milk when he does.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Sweaty Underboob (sung to the tune of Boogie Wonderland)

Each of these tiny swaddled baby bats represents a time that I am awoken nightly by either hot flashes/excessive mugginess, a couple fighting outside my window, the need to pee, extreme thirst, the beeping of a truck reversing for 25 minutes straight or really loud selfish angry crows. This has been happening for two weeks now and I completely blame Conky and his recent lack of work ethic. He has not had his mind on his job this summer and everyone is suffering because of it. Not cool Conky. Not cool one bit.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Ahoy Captain Wiener Dog

Dudley invited me out on his boat to watch the fireworks. 

We brought a lot of beer and cider.

It was pretty fun.

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Come In For The Baby Kangaroo, Stay For The Weird Hairless Guy

This is what happens inside your head after you spend the evening drinking cider and beer on a boat in English Bay watching fireworks. It is the visual manifestation of a sea hangover.

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Ain't No Party Like A Firepie Party

Here we see world famous mexican wrestling sensation Huevos Del Fuego relaxing at home before embarking on a long European tour.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Conky Hogging Jerk Face (Is My New Favourite Band)

This Wilford Brimley doppelgänger of a cat is taking all the good naps for himself and not leaving any for the rest of us. Selfish.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

I Would Shiv A Baby For A Bowl Of Cold Spaghetti

Mr. Bunndini starts a new job today but would rather stay home and watch the olympics.