Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Please Sweatpants, Don't Hurt 'Em

SWEAT PANTS (noun): If it was legal I would marry you my darling sweatpants. Oh glorious and trustworthy sweatpants one day we will be able to publicly flaunt our love but until that day the couch is our only sanctuary. Stay strong sweatpants for we will be together again if not forever then at least for next weekend.

My-my-my-my weekend hits me so hard makes me say oh my lord
Thank you for blessing me with a PVR and two slippered feet
It feels good when you know you're pants are down
A superdope homegirl from the Vancouver-town
And I'm known as such
And these sweatpants uh u can't touch

Monday, May 24, 2010

Pants Off Dance Off

WANG CHUNG (verb): A male wearing clothing only on the upper portion of his body. Generally not considered sexy by any gender or sexual orientation. Example of use in a sentence: "I was totally into him until he wang chunged himself a beer from the fridge". Does not apply to women.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Holy fuckloaf

FUCKLOAF (noun/pl. fuckloaves): Oh iPhone how could I ever forsake you? First you invented the word "fuckloaf" and now you've brightened my rainy day by reminding me that the word "gusset" is interchangeable with the word "guacamole". Ti amo il mio poco amore. I will dip my chip in your gusset anytime

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Hello friends and welcome to my blog. I am an inventor first and foremost but I have been unable to financially support myself with my chosen career path so I repair bicycles and occasionally wash dishes at Dairy Queen when not in my workshop/lab. I would surely be rich and famous living on my own island at this very moment if some people (who shall remain nameless) had not stolen the ideas out of my head for among other things the Snugee (originally called "The Comfy Squirrel"), bacon embedded processed cheese slices and much more. I'm not looking for justice or redemption just a place to share the thoughts in my head, maybe find love, talk about new hairstyles and swap shrimp scampi recipes.