Saturday, April 30, 2011

Bad Jokes My Coffee Table Tells Me

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartenders says "sorry but we don't serve food here".

Friday, April 29, 2011

Beaver Pancakes

The great outdoors is all fine and dandy but Mr. Bunndini prefers to enjoy nature during short daylight jaunts immediately returning to the safety and comfort of a couch in front of a fire with a firepie and a cup of tea. Please do not judge.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Pour Myself A Cup Of Ambition

What I wanted to say: "I guess those penis enlargement pills are working because you are twice the dick you were yesterday."

What I actually said: "Sounds great. I'll get right on that."

Monday, April 25, 2011

Jesus Mary And Joseph

Happy Easter. I hope you find all the eggs you are looking for.

Thursday, April 21, 2011


We're A Lovable Space That Needs Your Face

The illustrious Dr. Mavis Stapler is flying from Philadelphia to meet Mr. Bunndini and Pollyanna (AKA Algae Frankenstein) in Seattle for a few days of happy hour hotel hijinks. Mr. Bunndini will be riding the train but it will not be in vain.  Please excuse my temporary absence. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hey Remember That Summer When You Were A Hippy Haiku

String Cheese Incident
I carry stones in a pouch
To meditate with

Engevita yeast
I like it on my popcorn
Rainbow dragon sticks

Let's go to Wreck Beach 
I'll bring my new dashiki
Granola medley

Those dreads are sexy
But I hope they don't get caught
On my Phish toe ring

Monday, April 18, 2011

Pickles Bernstein

Happy Passover. May your matzos never be soggy.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Chicken Fried Steak

It has been said by some that Mr. Bunndini is a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. While I do enjoy a down home ditty from time to time I find that it is much more enjoyable when you imagine replacing the words of any country song with the words "BISCUITS AND GRAVY".

Here are some of the top biscuits and gravy songs currently on the hit parade:
"Biscuits and gravy. Give them two arms to cling to"
"He stopped loving biscuits and gravy today"
"Gravy. I'm gravy for feeling so lonely"
"Hey biscuits and gravy. Whatcha got cookin'"
"Gravy I'm begging of you please don't take my man"
"I fell into a burning biscuits and gravy"
"Car wheels on a biscuit road"

Friday, April 15, 2011

Food Poisoning Haiku Of The Day

(Dinner at The Whip)
Could have been the chicken wings
Might have been the dip

 Could have been the three
Or four double bourbon sours
And Jameson shots 

I do not know but 
Look at the mess I am in
Think I'm going to die

Head is like football
Me oh me oh my that was
So not a party

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Mr. Bunndini Has No Interest In Hockey Playoffs Haiku Of The Day

The world series
It allegedly is not  
Hockey related

Those guys have no teeth
It must be hard to eat ribs
The final countdown

It's Saturday night
Hip restaurant is empty
Cactus Club is full 

If you must riot
Please do not disturb my bike
Your beard looks stupid

Yes that jersey does
Indeed make your ass look fat
Facepaint walk of shame

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Ya Moe B There

Do you think anyone can tell that I'm not wearing pants?

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Exchange Student On The Bus Haiku Of The Day

Hey Rosario
What is name of fun nightclub?
Two for one shooters

Let us all stop here
To eat a nice shawarma
Granville and Robson

To Buenos Aires
On Thursday I will go back
Passport expires

Snowboard at Whistler
I love the frappaccino
Aquabus day pass

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

I Could Hear The Distant Drums

Dearest Friends

Mr. Bunndini does not have a last will and testament because Mr. Bunndini is:
A) Lazy.
B) Prone to fits of ennui.
C) Unable to grasp the concept that his time on this planet is not limitless.
D) A childless bachelor who lives life one day at a time caring only for himself.
E) All of the above.

Ergo in the event that Mr. Bunndini's life is cut short by a cruel twist of fate, a tropical parasite or a runaway taxi please ensure that the following important provisions occur:

1) Play the song 'Fernando' by Abba at the funeral.
2) Repeat above as necessary.

Best Wishes,
Mr. Bunndini

Friday, April 1, 2011

Stand And Deliver

THE MACGREGOR (verb, noun, adjective): A man completely naked except for a pair of dark dress socks. Often illuminated only by the light of the fridge.

Also known in some parts of Canada as ROPER AFTER DARK.