Monday, May 28, 2012

Thank Heaven For Little Squirrels

MUSICAL TOURETTE'S SYNDROME (noun): A mental disorder characterised by an uncontrollable compulsion to change the lyrics of popular songs. Can be highly contagious but is not life threatening.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

We Write The Songs That Make The Whole World Sing

Mr. Bunndini and Mr. Firepie are arguably one of the great undiscovered songwriting partnerships of the past century. While they have written a few original hits such as "Dufflebag Situation", their skill lies in their thoughtful interpretation of the classics. They take a song and really make it their own. Here is a sampling of some of their best works to date:

• The ubiquitous 1994 Lisa Loeb hit "Stay (I Missed You)" as an ode to constipation: "You Say. I never poop when I want to."

• When the personal grooming habits of life on the tour bus go by the wayside the Leiber/Stoller penned Michael Macdonald song "I Keep Forgettin'" keeps the roadies on their toes. The powerful chorus really resonates with the unkempt: "I keep forgettin' to trim my giant orange bush. I keep forgettin' and now I'm never getting laid again."

• Only Bunndini/Firepie could reinterpret "Queen Of Hearts" by Juice Newton as "Period Farts": "She's got period farts. It's blowing her pants apart."

• An ode to anxiety-induced stomach issues and a tip of the hat to longtime fan Dr. Mavis Stapler: "She's A Nervous Pooper" sung to the tune of "She's An Easy Lover" by Phil Collins.

• Inspired by a late night encounter with a hippy from Nelson, the unforgettable "(Takin' a Piss) On Willow and Broadway" sung to the tune of "Nights On Broadway" by The Bee Gees.

• The groundbreaking "Tiny Yarbles" sung to the tune of "Poison Ivy" by The Coasters.

• A little ditty about an afternoon spent squeezing a pus-filled lump: "Half Of Armand Is Gone" sung to the tune of "After The Love Has Gone" by Earth, Wind & Fire.

• The mesmerizing "Stupid" sung to the tune of Sam Cooke's "Cupid".

• And last but certainly not least a Bunndini/Firepie reinterpretation of the Neil Young classic "Old Man": "Old man take a look at my rash, it's a lot like you. I need someone to scratch me the whole day through."


Thursday, May 17, 2012

People Talking Loudly To Dogs

You heard correctly. It's award season once again. As you will remember, last years winner of most hotly discussed topic in the kitchen directly outside my office was salad dressing. While defending champion salad dressing put in another solid performance this year it was edged out slightly by a nominee that has been overlooked in the past. Even with the addition of a new coffee maker and intense lobbying from Real Housewives of Vancouver and who stole my oil of oregano the choice was clear. I would like to wholeheartedly congratulate the newest champion: talking to dogs in baby voices. Take a bow you deserve it.

Now if only people would talk to dogs in baby voices about salad dressing then we could all be winners.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I Can Put My Arm Back On, You Can't

CRANKY PANTS (noun): The expression of a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility epitomized through the presence of imaginary trousers.

The tighter the pants the higher the level of corresponding crankiness.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Jericho Beach Bunnies Restore My Faith In Humanity

Knock knock.
Whose there?
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out outside.

Friday, May 11, 2012

My Insomnia Just Discovered Knock Knock Jokes

Statement: Knock knock.
Question: Whose there?
Answer: Smell map.

Monday, May 7, 2012

I Like Big Butts And I Cannot Lie

Sad news in the world of fat ginger felines: Santa Fe based Meow the 39 pound cat has died at the age of two from complications of his morbid obesity. I tip my 40 to your memory homie.

Saturday, May 5, 2012

My World Is Empty Without You Sloth

This hangover is killing me. I barely moved all day and spent a good portion of the early morning trying not to hurl. There is not enough limonata in the universe to replenish my fluids.

Friday, May 4, 2012

Those Hamster Sandwich Bullfighter Pants Look Great On That Rainbow Guacamole Monkey With Vacuum

Mr. Bunndini started this blog for two of his favourite people who at various times over the past few years have lived in an assortment of cities including Kingston, Paris, Taiwan, Philadelphia and soon Houston as well. There are 1-6 other people who find Mr. Bunndini vaguely amusing but otherwise I can only imagine it is a confusing and ultimately unrewarding experience reading any of this claptrap. Now thanks to a new feature on I can view what people search for to end up in this myriad of stupidness. These top keyword searches are like a window straight into my brain. Beyond the magestic beauty of the top search keywords:

business cat (#1 search of all time) 
hamster sweater (#2 search of all time) 
i'll crush you 
bullfighter pants 
dolphin muffins 
spooning of nails 
деловой кот 
rainbow guacamole 
hamster sandwich 
monkey in a happy hat
chicken lady
jeggings knuckle tattoo
do homeless people eat poop
monkey with vacuum
knitting overcome fear of flying
strubs pickles
couch potato german