Saturday, October 30, 2010

Atari Teenage Riot

PONG (verb, noun, adjective): The ineffable pheromonal odour excreted from pubescent human males. Often described as smelling like a mixture of pizza pops, goats, body odour, paintball pellets, nocturnal emissions and athelete’s foot medication.

Example of use in a sentence: "Those high school kids ponged up the entire bus."

Monday, October 25, 2010

The Proof Is In The Nerd Pudding

Brownie uniform 
Braided parted in the middle hairstyle 
My brothers old blue sports socks 
Butchart Gardens visor to block harmful rays of the sun 
Reading while walking 

* Enclyclopedia Brittanica and thick glasses not pictured.

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Animal Farm

R.I.P. mon ami Apple Hill Farms Supermarket. Your produce was often dodgy but you never judged me for buying groceries in my pajamas. There will be an empty space across the alley and in my heart for you.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Start Your Day The Amish Way

I'm currently sitting on the bed in my Kelowna hotel room eating pretzels and smarties from the machine down the hall for dinner because going out to eat would involve putting on pants and between the broken foot and the flu it's all I can do to work the remote for the tv. I would do anything for a meatloaf sandwich (but I won't do that).

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Mr. Bunndini's Brilliant Inventions: The Flu Virus Addition

Mr. Bunndini is home sick today doing the things that sick people do like eating soup, taking twice the recommended dosage of cough syrup, watching Judge Judy and wishing someone would come over make me pancakes and then immediately leave. I also wish that I had the prototype for one of the more brilliant of my inventions because the nights are getting chilly and my feet are cold.

THE COMFY SQUIRREL (noun): It’s a blanket with arms and legs…… I know I know there is this monstrosity called the Snuggie that all the kids are talking about. It’s a blanket with arms. Some call it a slanket. Old people love it! Babies love it! Dogs love it! Yada yada yada. But The Comfy Squirrel™ is to the Snuggie what the Empire State Building is to an outhouse. The Comfy Squirrel is like a gigantic snowsuit but made of a cuddly soft breathable fabric. All the openings can be securely tightened or loosened to let in fresh air (or let out un-fresh air). It has removable mittens and socks (with traction on the bottom to prevent slippage) and a detachable hood with a built in pillow. It also has a pocket in the front to store snacks, your tv remote, kleenex, small woodland creatures, chapstick or whathaveyou. It's that simple. Just zip up and get cozy!

** I must give my friend Dale credit as he may have actually co-invented this when we were camping one rainy February sixteen or so years ago in a musty camper van rolling around in the forest eating raw tofu dogs and smoking all the pot in the universe but who can remember.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Haikuna Matata

To all the boys and girls we’ve loved before (but don’t any longer) - this haiku’s for you…… and you and you.   

Mr. Bunndini:
I dodged a bullet
Your mom is bat shit crazy
Apples To Apples

I dodged a bullet
That's a great dolphin tattoo
UPS muffins

Dr. Mavis Stapler:
I dodged a bullet
Now you can make your own soup
Chicken McNuggets

Thursday, October 14, 2010

My Humps

Kozy Shack rice pudding I could never stay mad at you.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

Mavis Stapler

Mr. Bunndini is trying out a new online dating website. I'm looking for a soul mate to share my life with. Someone who is just as comfortable staying in and renting a movie as they are sky diving. No mind games or capricorns.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Highway To The Danger Zone

 OK I’m just going to say this... I think naming your car is stupid.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Pass The OJ 'Cause I Got Juice

JOGGING TO THE ALL YOU CAN EAT BUFFET (verb): Healthy and unhealthy behaviours occurring concurrently thereby cancelling each other out and leaving one no farther or closer to the intended goal.

Also known as "cheese burger and a diet pepsi".