Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Son Of A Muffin

His stripper name is Frederick "Bananas" Foster and he does not give a pickle who in the office is having a birthday this month.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Lessons Learned

Always take the float plane and never the ferry 

 The captains name will be Roger (even if it's Dustin)

Seals are the dogs of the sea 

Bees will fly in your cider when you are not looking and you may drink them but don't panic just spit them out so they can live another day

Don't pee in a patch of stinging nettles 

Not everyone likes the bump in the road

Regis the outhouse still couldn't give two shits

Everyone brings more books than they actually read

There is never enough bourbon or cheese

You may forget a bathing suit or towel but you won't miss it one bit

Friday, July 11, 2014

Owl Thank You To Mind Your Own Business

I'm the guy on stage left after a long weekday hot bike ride when I have a Terra Breads roast turkey and cranberry chutney sandwich in front of me. No judgement.

Monday, July 7, 2014

The Day After The Day After Birthday Haiku

Beer before liquor
Maybe gets you drunk quicker
Wine is super fine

One shot at a time
Oysters, steak and chocolate cake
May make your head ache

Cab at 3am
Get up, do it all again
I'll never be done

With the laughs and fun
For that's what it's all about
Even with the gout

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Sweet Fat Raccoon Attraction

All I want for my birthday is this outfit. Raccoon-rageous!