Thursday, March 29, 2012

Ain't Nobody Can't Hang With Us

Mr. Bunndini will be in Ontario for the next ten days. Please leave a message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as I return.

Saturday, March 24, 2012

Dog Grant Me The Serenity To Accept the Mustard I Cannot Change

I can't stop eating the mini hotdogs at The Rumpus Room. I am powerless against their tasty charms. Is there a 12 step program for that?

Thursday, March 22, 2012

The City The Rhymes With Bajonto

Mr. Firepie has a string of musical shows booked in the lower Ontario region and requires my assistance as his roadie. I am going to bring my fanny pack, mag light and a massive wad of keys strapped to my belt. I will only answer to my given roadie name of "Sweatpantia" until further notice. 

Friday, March 16, 2012

Napkin Haikus Are The New Knuckle Tattoos

It's cool to write haiku's on bar napkins. All the kids are doing it. These napkins also appear to be very filthy and covered in what looks to be quesadilla detritus.

Please order me another Yuengling. I'll be the one at the jukebox playing all the Heart songs.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Torn Between Two Lovers

Mr. Bunndini received two urgent emails this morning from eastern Europe but I don't know who to help first. Should I buy Wieslaw the shoes he wants or make friendship with Anastasia? These are tough choices. 

My name is Anastasia, 
I'm a student from Belarus, I want to find my love or make friendship with someone. 
You can find my photo in the archive. 
I'm waiting for your reply! 
Kiss you! 

And Also:

I'm sorry I shall make any such matter to you, but really in my country, and especially in my city does not work. I maintain the benefits of care 20 EURO) and my mother helps me, because he has a pension, but very small. It is hard for us, not so long ago my dad died, why I turn to you, sent so, because I do not have to whom. I found the online store very nice shoes for 65 euros. I really like them, not simply buying cheap shoes from synthetic material, which after a short time are suitable for wyrzucnia, now I wear old shoes cracked, even ashamed, because I reach to Torun to free post-secondary schools and shame that such a look. I feel stupid and ashamed to write in such a case, because I know that it is like begging, but it is desperate, maybe even a difficult time in my life, someone I will support, will help. Do not count on anything, but if you wanted to help me, I would be very grateful, maybe someday, if I had a job, I would be reciprocated. Thank you though for reading e-mail
Wieslaw SakwiƄski

Monday, March 12, 2012

David Attenborough Says:

"A distracted squirrel is a vulnerable squirrel."

Sunday, March 11, 2012


DRUNKASAURUS REX (verb): The most unpredictable and often ill-tempered of the Rex clanthis dangerous creature is responsible for 63% of incomprehensible text messages and 97% of the total worldwide consumption of spicy chicken wings after 11pm.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Why Did I Not Say No Thank You To Those Last 18 Shots Of Jamesons?

I thought you should all know that slightly burnt toast with marmite and I were married in a civil ceremony early this morning. The happy couple will be honeymooning in their bathrobes on the couch all weekend. In lieu of gifts please send more marmite.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

I'm Not A Player I Just Clean A Lot

I not ashamed to admit that one of my longest and most meaningful relationships over the past decade has been with my Dyson vacuum. I'm also particularly enamoured with my super quiet Asko dishwasher and I have an entire elaborate system of folding and organizing pretty much everything that can be folded and organized. Suffice to say I like a clean organized house (and I am also very lazy) thus here are some helpful household tips that make my life better (not as much as beer makes my life better but in a perfect world we can have beer and a clean house):

One of lifes' great injustices is when brown sugar gets all hard and crusty and you must risk cutting off a finger chiseling off barely enough of it to sweeten your morning coffee. The solution is to put a piece of bread in your brown sugar receptacle and within 24 hours it will be all fresh and fluffy again. Fingers saved and world peace achieved.

Microwave popcorn is gross and full of chemicals which will make you grow nipples on your face. Use a brown paper bag and pop the corn in the microwave for the same result. Do not staple the bag shut unless you want an added firework display.

I use dryer sheets to dust with after they have made my clothes soft and static-free. Double team action!

Mr. Bunndini can only eat apples if they have been cut into symmetrical pieces. The knives in my office kitchen are dull and the kitchen is frequently full of people taking about salad dressing and Dancing With The Stars so I prefer to pre-cut my apple at home and avoid the riff-raff. The problem is that it gets all brown and unappetizing by the time I want to eat it. So what I do is cut the apple at home in the safety and quiet of my own kitchen and put an elastic band around it to take to work and eat later without it getting all brown and unappetizing. Voila! Presto blammo! Huzzah!

I have also heard that saving leftover wine that is about to go off in ice cube trays in the freezer to use later for cooking is a good idea but I've never had leftover wine so I cannot confirm or deny this.

Monday, March 5, 2012

More Baked Goods, Less Fart Smell

I don't care what you say. Nothing is grosser than an egg salad sandwich.