Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Random 4am Insomnia Thoughts

1. I can't wait until people stop naming their children Emmett, Bramble, Sadie and Calliope and start naming them Dennis, Linda, Steve, Diane and Susan again. Bring back Darlene! 

2. If I had a punk band I would definitely call it The Trots.

3. You should never let your friends cut your hair even if it's what they do for a living.

4. Clitoris Leachman is a good porn name as is Mayor McCheese.

5. Some actors use the physical device of averting their eyes slightly to convey puzzled uncertainty, indecision or astonishment. Julia Roberts and Sarah Jessica Parker are two of the biggest culprits of this form of lazy acting. Once you notice this you can't unnoticed it ever again.

6. Why is all the instant oatmeal that you can buy at Whole Foods so bland and terrible?

Monday, March 9, 2015

Yesterday Was International Women's Day

And today is just another day to be thankful for my independence even though I still have to deal with douchebag sexism on the regular. Living along is one of my life's greatest luxuries. Being able to choose to not have children and be beholden to a man are two things that have shaped the person I have chosen to be. The choice is what is important. Sadly not everybody in the world gets that choice. I also choose to wake up at 5am this morning and drink so many cappuccinos that I may be having a stroke right now but now I'm choosing to go shopping for shoes and will choose to eat a turkey sandwich from Terra Breads in an attempt to dilute the excessive caffeine surging through my system. I choose soy milk! I choose felty slippers! I choose no mayo!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

Gird Your Loins San Franciso

Because Mavis Stapler and I are going to eat the hell out of you next week