I went to a seafood disco last weekend and pulled a mussel.
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and shortly thereafter got married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was excellent.
A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender says "I'll serve you but don't start anything."
What's the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
If you have bird flu you need tweetment and if you have swine flu you only need oink-ment.
A large group of chess enthusiasts were standing around the lobby of a hotel discussing their recent tournament victories. After an hour the manager came over and asked them to please disperse. When they asked why he said "because I hate chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."