Sunday, March 23, 2014

Lowered Expectations

You know those Sundays where you get it all done? You wake up refreshed at 7am after a blissful 10 hour sleep with no hangover since you stayed in the night before watching Woody Allen movies on the netflix. You drink two double cappuccinos and get three straight hours of reading and laundry done before you have nice brunch with a nice friend. Then get your car cleaned and measure and price out that sectional couch you are thinking of buying and go to Home Depot to buy anchors to fix the bookshelf you built five years ago which is on the verge of falling off the wall because clearly you are not as handy as you think you are. Then you buy all the overpriced groceries at the Whole Foods and the embarrassingly gigantic package of toilet paper at Shoppers and remember to get US cash from that one bank machine for your Portland trip next weekend and also drive all the way back to Staples because you almost forgot that your printer cartridge is out and you have a lot of contracts to print out tomorrow before your mix. You take out all the recyling and garbage and put that bag of clothes in the charity bin that has been in your car trunk for two months. You eat kale salad and an overpriced tandoori chicken wrap for dinner while intermittently vacuuming and spraying your teak furniture with that orange oil that smells great but takes two days to fully dry. You scrub the bath tub then take a bath and start reading the new Zadie Smith book that you've had forever then move onto the couch for some Flight Of The Concords rerun action when you reach for the caramel salted chocolate bar you'd bought earlier only to realize it's the one thing you didn't do all day. What a loser you are.