That Squirrel Is Not Going To Ride Itself

Happy new years eve to everyone but especially Algae Frankenstein in Palm Springs and Dr. Stapler in Brooklyn. 2011 would have been a far less interesting year for Mr. Bunndini without you two. Please enjoy your respective evenings. I'll be the one in Vancouver watching bad movies on the couch next to a pile of snotty kleenexes.

Mama Said They're Be Sloths Like These

Is it really too much to ask that people just stop trying to get me do work-related things and just let me start my only actual vacation of the year? I just want to lie in bed all day and then make lasagna and then eat the lasagna and then go back to bed.

I'll Take Hot Flashes Are Making Me Cranky For $200 Please Alex

Free The Meatballs

WANGO TANGO (verb): Two men spending time together in a WANG CHUNG state of undress. Can be performed by persons who are heterosexual, homosexual or a combination of the two. 

All I Want For Christmas ........

....... is not to have to hear a constant barrage of christmas carols, be repeatedly asked if I'm "finished my christmas shopping!" or be subjected to any christmas-y occasions or objects ever again. Ya I said it.

We Don't Have To Take Our Clothes Off To Have A Good Time

Don't Call It A Comeback

Ain't No Party Like A Lint Brush Party

BEARDRUFF (noun): Flaky detritus expelled from the beard of a man (or woman). Often evident when the afflicted wears dark coloured clothing.

Back Off Boys

THE MEAT SWEATS (noun, verb): Excessive moisture exuded through pores of the skin as a reaction to a large consumption of meat.

Let Them Eat Pork

So to recap, what did we learn by eating the Refuel whole hog dinner at 11pm last night?

1. A little pig brain does a tasty salad dressing make.
2. Trotters must be what they create pork rinds out of because they are just a big crispy pile of fat surrounding a vapid waxy bone. No one wants to eat that.
3. Those meatballs were damn tasty.
4. That dude with the sideburns who works at Moxies (and was sitting beside David) is going back to Australia tomorrow.
5. Everyone loves Kimchi. It's the great equalizer.
6. Pig blood chocolate ice cream is disturbingly wrong and may leave a lingering aftertaste and/or give you nightmares. If you ever find yourself with an excess of pigs blood you would be better served to just dump it on Carries' head at the prom.
7. Makers Mark bourbon infused with bacon is not nearly as good of an idea as it sounds. It tastes like you are having a cocktail that was made in a dripping pan.

Girls It Ain't Easy

I'm doing too much of this:

When I'd rather be doing this:

This Is The Dawning Of The Age Of Asparagus

Kids here's how it happens: Once minute you are admiring your wrinkle-less skin in the mirror of the house you share with half a dozen other marginally employed people and sleeping until 2pm and the next minute you are of an age that you clearly remember your mother being (and also remember that she seemed really old at that time). Unattended twenty-five year high school reunions come and go. Routine mammograms and/or prostate exams are performed. You contemplate dying your grey hairs and next thing you know you are one of those people that wakes up unprompted at 6am on a Saturday morning and spends the next few hours wondering how early is too early to vacuum. If you can hear the downstairs neighbours baby crying at 7:05am is it still too early? What time does the drug store open? Should I start taking iron supplements? What if I fall and I can't get up? Is that smell me?

Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear Every Time You Are Near?

Here are some things I learned on the interweb today when I should have been doing actual work:

- The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

- You are more likely to be killed by a coconut than a shark.

- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
- In 1386 a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.
- Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.
- Regarding statues in parks: If the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one leg in the air, the person died of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground the person died of natural causes.
- A whale's penis is called a "dork".

Some People Think It's Funny But It's Really Brown And Runny

My Stripper Name is Poutine Nanaimo-Bar

It's a fact if a word ends in "palooza" it is automatically a less interesting event. Don't try to convince me otherwise.

That Monkey Is Really Going To Town

Mr. September

Last Friday Mr. Firepie and I went to the Mojave desert to a little place called Palmdale a few hours northeast of Los Angeles off the quaintly named Pearblossom Highway. By Sunday we were in San Francisco eating lunch outside at The Ferry Building and riding a chilly cable car back to our hotel where room service hamburgers and french fries awaited us. Here are some photos of a little place we spent the day at in the desert. It could use a coat of fresh paint and there was a lot of gay porn scattered around (and some badly spelled racist nazi graffiti) but otherwise it was move-in ready.

Door 219

Mr. Bunndini's stay in the city of New York was short but sweet. Mr. Firepie and I went for a nice walk through Central Park and saw many trees fallen from the big storm. We ate fried mozzarella at Patsy's, looked at some serious art at The Frick, rode the subway, ate messy tacos from La Esquina on the street, bought fancy perfume on 5th Avenue and searched every Duane Reade for Red Vines (to no avail). 

It's Not That Kind of Toddling Town

Atlantic City you are not kidding when you say your sour apple salt water taffy is really sour. It was wrong of me to doubt you and it will never happen again. Also, thanks for the $42 from the slot machine at Caesers and the free bourbon. I would have stayed longer but you are not as fun in the dark.

Funky Cold Medina

Mr. Bunndini is back from travelling by train, plane and automobile around some of the eastern parts of the United Staes of America. I dodged falling trees in central park with Mr. Firepie, drank far too many Yuengling beers in Philly with Dr. Stapler and Algae Frankenstein, played the slot machines in Atlantic City and slept with Conky almost every night. Haikus were written on dirty bar napkins, cheese was consumed in vast quantities and a good time was had by all.  One day we drove to the southern most part of Philly (which looks a lot like the rest of Philly) and took these photos on the scenic drive.

Pump Up The Jams

If you've ever wondered who listens to pounding repetitive dance music when they are not in a club dancing the answer is Dr. Stapler's upstairs neighbour at 7am this morning.

Huzzah!

Mr. Bunndini and Mr. Firepie are waiting for a taxi cab to the airport where we will get on a plane which will take us to Philadelphia and into the car of one Dr. Mavis Stapler. Please stay tuned for updates on Amish people, New York City bagels, The Smithsonian and a special guest appearance from Algae Frankenstein.

Ain't No Party Like A Canadian Arctic Taxidermy Party

One day in Whitehorse I went for a walk down by the Yukon River.

I saw this museum disguised as an old cabin.

Inside it was like the taxidermy museum Mavis Stapler and I visited in Paris called Deyrolle.

Only the Canadian version.

The museum was run by young mormons from Utah who did not know the difference between a toonie and a loonie. They told me their 10 month mission would be over in November.

You could buy old Yukon license plates in the gift shop two for a dollar. 

I don't think this snow is real.

Horny.

I can only imagine how many of these little ermine guys it takes to make a coat. 

Squirrelz.

Not that kind of cougar.

Beaver fever.

I can't believe it's not otter.

Foxy brown.

The white wolf abides.

They were all staring at me so I had to go back to my hotel and lie down.