This Is The Dawning Of The Age Of Asparagus

Kids here's how it happens: Once minute you are admiring your wrinkle-less skin in the mirror of the house you share with half a dozen other marginally employed people and sleeping until 2pm and the next minute you are of an age that you clearly remember your mother being (and also remember that she seemed really old at that time). Unattended twenty-five year high school reunions come and go. Routine mammograms and/or prostate exams are performed. You contemplate dying your grey hairs and next thing you know you are one of those people that wakes up unprompted at 6am on a Saturday morning and spends the next few hours wondering how early is too early to vacuum. If you can hear the downstairs neighbours baby crying at 7:05am is it still too early? What time does the drug store open? Should I start taking iron supplements? What if I fall and I can't get up? Is that smell me?