A Tale Told By An Otter

Full of sound and fury. Signifying nothing.

I Left My Fart In Texas

More unedited photos taken from a moving car. This series is brought to you by the passenger seat of a cute little slightly musty smelling Jetta and the state of Texas.

I Don't Know About You But My Acorns Are In A Nutrageous Frenzy This Morning

Mr Bunndinni and Dr. Stapler had a tequila soaked adventure in Texas for the past week and some of these things may or may not have happened:

This guy and his one frosty eye yelled in our faces all night long in Houston.

Texan mosquitos feasted on our flesh and cockroaches threatened our safety that one night when we drank 8000 bottles of wine and smoked all the cigarettes in the back yard.

75% of all meals consumed consisted of tacos.

1.5 million bats came out to say hello to us from under the Congress Street Bridge in Austin.

The Buc-cee's truck stop in Bastrop Texas provided refuge from a torrential downpour.

As well as all of our sweet fat acorn attraction needs.

Political slogans.

Fashionable belt buckles.

And good old fashioned common sense.

Science Is What She Blinded Me With In Houston

If You Can't Do The Time Don't Do The Crime

Yes I'm talking to you people with children who relentless complain about how they can no longer do all the things that could do before they had children and/or take their children to places where they are not welcome, like the symphony and five star restaurants, without all the mean childless bitter people complaining about their little perfect spawn. Please go write in your mommy blog about how you can never truly know love until your precious child barfs in your mouth and leave some quiet spaces for the rest of us. 

Spaghetti For The Win!

I'd be way more into it if it was called The World Cup Of Noodles. Go Team Fusilli!

Cow Pants (Take It Easy)

Paging Doctor Mace

May all your birthday wishes come true!

What The Hell Am I Doing Drinking In LA (at 96)

The Dixie Motel on Hollywood and Western in Los Angeles was my home away from home for three luxurious nights.  

There was a beautiful street view.

 

Hand painted mural.

In-room amenities featured such luxuries as decaf coffee, plastic cups wrapped in plastic and nothing but one solitary old ketchup package in the mini bar fridge.

An iron was inexplicably fastened to the wall two feet from the ceiling nowhere near the only functioning electrical outlet in the room.

I've said it before but I'll say again: is that a really gross old kleenex shoved in a hole in the bathroom wall or are you just really glad to see me?

Tissues made from the skin of actual virgins!

This cup sadly held no joy or hot liquids for my entire stay. It did hold tepid tap water that I drank copious amounts of hungover every morning (because I forgot the night before).

I studied the religions of the world (it's a growth industry allegedly).

But like all good things our time eventually had to end and we tearfully bid adieu promising to always keep in touch and never go to sleep mad.

That's Fucking Moist Dude

When life hands you a whole shit ton of prima donna assholes then you just hand life back a faux-sincere apology and go straight to the nearest patio for a beer. You heard me.