I'm Not A Player I Just Clean A Lot

I not ashamed to admit that one of my longest and most meaningful relationships over the past decade has been with my Dyson vacuum. I'm also particularly enamoured with my super quiet Asko dishwasher and I have an entire elaborate system of folding and organizing pretty much everything that can be folded and organized. Suffice to say I like a clean organized house (and I am also very lazy) thus here are some helpful household tips that make my life better (not as much as beer makes my life better but in a perfect world we can have beer and a clean house):

One of lifes' great injustices is when brown sugar gets all hard and crusty and you must risk cutting off a finger chiseling off barely enough of it to sweeten your morning coffee. The solution is to put a piece of bread in your brown sugar receptacle and within 24 hours it will be all fresh and fluffy again. Fingers saved and world peace achieved.

Microwave popcorn is gross and full of chemicals which will make you grow nipples on your face. Use a brown paper bag and pop the corn in the microwave for the same result. Do not staple the bag shut unless you want an added firework display.

I use dryer sheets to dust with after they have made my clothes soft and static-free. Double team action!

Mr. Bunndini can only eat apples if they have been cut into symmetrical pieces. The knives in my office kitchen are dull and the kitchen is frequently full of people taking about salad dressing and Dancing With The Stars so I prefer to pre-cut my apple at home and avoid the riff-raff. The problem is that it gets all brown and unappetizing by the time I want to eat it. So what I do is cut the apple at home in the safety and quiet of my own kitchen and put an elastic band around it to take to work and eat later without it getting all brown and unappetizing. Voila! Presto blammo! Huzzah!

I have also heard that saving leftover wine that is about to go off in ice cube trays in the freezer to use later for cooking is a good idea but I've never had leftover wine so I cannot confirm or deny this.