Bad Jokes My Coffee Table Tells Me

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartenders says "sorry but we don't serve food here".

Beaver Pancakes

The great outdoors is all fine and dandy but Mr. Bunndini prefers to enjoy nature during short daylight jaunts immediately returning to the safety and comfort of a couch in front of a fire with a firepie and a cup of tea. Please do not judge.

Pour Myself A Cup Of Ambition

What I wanted to say: "I guess those penis enlargement pills are working because you are twice the dick you were yesterday."

What I actually said: "Sounds great. I'll get right on that."

Jesus Mary And Joseph

Happy Easter. I hope you find all the eggs you are looking for.

Also.......

We're A Lovable Space That Needs Your Face

The illustrious Dr. Mavis Stapler is flying from Philadelphia to meet Mr. Bunndini and Pollyanna (AKA Algae Frankenstein) in Seattle for a few days of happy hour hotel hijinks. Mr. Bunndini will be riding the train but it will not be in vain.  Please excuse my temporary absence. 

Hey Remember That Summer When You Were A Hippy Haiku

String Cheese Incident

I carry stones in a pouch

To meditate with

Engevita yeast

I like it on my popcorn

Rainbow dragon sticks

Let's go to Wreck Beach 

I'll bring my new dashiki

Granola medley

Those dreads are sexy

But I hope they don't get caught

On my Phish toe ring

Pickles Bernstein

Happy Passover. May your matzos never be soggy.

Chicken Fried Steak

It has been said by some that Mr. Bunndini is a little bit country and a little bit rock and roll. While I do enjoy a down home ditty from time to time I find that it is much more enjoyable when you imagine replacing the words of any country song with the words "BISCUITS AND GRAVY".

Here are some of the top biscuits and gravy songs currently on the hit parade:
"Biscuits and gravy. Give them two arms to cling to"
"He stopped loving biscuits and gravy today"
"Gravy. I'm gravy for feeling so lonely"
"Hey biscuits and gravy. Whatcha got cookin'"
"Gravy I'm begging of you please don't take my man"
"I fell into a burning biscuits and gravy"
"Car wheels on a biscuit road"

Food Poisoning Haiku Of The Day

(Dinner at The Whip)

Could have been the chicken wings

Might have been the dip

 Could have been the three

Or four double bourbon sours

And Jameson shots 

I do not know but 

Look at the mess I am in

Think I'm going to die

Head is like football

Me oh me oh my that was

So not a party

Mr. Bunndini Has No Interest In Hockey Playoffs Haiku Of The Day

The world series

It allegedly is not  

Hockey related

Those guys have no teeth

It must be hard to eat ribs

The final countdown

It's Saturday night

Hip restaurant is empty

Cactus Club is full 

If you must riot

Please do not disturb my bike

Your beard looks stupid

Yes that jersey does

Indeed make your ass look fat

Facepaint walk of shame

Ya Moe B There

Do you think anyone can tell that I'm not wearing pants?

Eleven Days Until Seattle Happy Hour

Exchange Student On The Bus Haiku Of The Day

Hey Rosario

What is name of fun nightclub?

Two for one shooters

Let us all stop here

To eat a nice shawarma

Granville and Robson

To Buenos Aires

On Thursday I will go back

Passport expires

Snowboard at Whistler

I love the frappaccino

Aquabus day pass

I Could Hear The Distant Drums

Dearest Friends

Mr. Bunndini does not have a last will and testament because Mr. Bunndini is:
A) Lazy.
B) Prone to fits of ennui.
C) Unable to grasp the concept that his time on this planet is not limitless.
D) A childless bachelor who lives life one day at a time caring only for himself.
E) All of the above.

Ergo in the event that Mr. Bunndini's life is cut short by a cruel twist of fate, a tropical parasite or a runaway taxi please ensure that the following important provisions occur:

1) Play the song 'Fernando' by Abba at the funeral.
2) Repeat above as necessary.

Best Wishes,
Mr. Bunndini

Picked Up The Telephone And Dialed The Seven Digits Said Yo This Is Marquis Baby Are You Down With It?

Stand And Deliver

THE MACGREGOR (verb, noun, adjective): A man completely naked except for a pair of dark dress socks. Often illuminated only by the light of the fridge.

Also known in some parts of Canada as ROPER AFTER DARK.