Grumpy Winnipeg Airport Haiku

Hey TGIF

How can these fries be soggy

And yet also burnt

Nice work business man

You know all the words to that 

Fucking country song

Girl with no shoes on

You're bogarting the outlet

I want to mace you

Loud iPad couple 

Everybody does not

Love Raymond like you

Do you really need

That big gigantic pillow

To fly to Brandon?

Sorry middle seat

But my left armpit kind of 

Smells like fried chicken 

What Does A Guy Have To Do To Get His Own Therapy Llama?

An open letter to the old man stuck in room 601 of the Raddisson on John Deere Commons in Moline Illinois.  Don't panic. Put on your sweatpants and eat the $14 pringles from the mini bar. Your flight has been rescheduled for tomorrow.

Hey Prague Maybe This Is Treppenwitz But I Just Want You To Know That You Are Not Giving Me A Backpfeifengesicht Feeling

Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte

92% Currywurst. 8% Allgemeinbildung

If you are going to fahrt your way around Berlin you'd be well advised to do it with DJ DinkelFahrtz and DJ FahrtzKuchen

Is This Something You Can Share With The Rest Of Us Amazing Larry?

Koo Koo La La Beep Beep Corndog Fiasco

Have some self control people. 

Does This Bigfoot Make My Ass Look Fat?

(To Be Read In A Bigfoot Voice)

RIP Fat Andy

My trip to Princeton and Seattle was decidedly not lackluster. 

The view at Rockridge was the same bullshit gorgeous nature scenario.

I spent an inordinate amount of time in the pool this year

And walked around the lake on a quest for the illusive "Teenage Pregnancy Island" to no avail.

Then I drove like stink for 6 hours through various rain storms and several unsavoury pee break locations.

So Dr. Stapler could fall asleep during the opening credits for the Big Lebowski.

Some meals were more low budget than others.

Some drinks were better than others.

Some sea captains were saltier than others.

Sometimes you walk around a corner with a belly full of red wine and gnocchi and this guy is right there.

But if these are the types of photos you find on your phone when you return home then you know definitively that you had a good time.