I could really use an assistant but I don't want to explain anything or talk to anyone if I don't absolutely have to. Furthermore my systems of organization are so finely honed and obsessively organized that no human could possibly do them the justice they deserve without a lot of explaining and coaching which I do not have the patience, energy or desire to do. The solution is clearly to train small rodents to help with my work load. I will provide room and board but no extended health care. Apply with resume to firstname.lastname@example.org.