Nerd Is The Word

Dear Wiener Dog In The Sky:

Please do not let any of these things happen to me this weekend because I do not have the patience or  fortitude to deal with any of them:
- Wedding shower
- A doctor using the word "inoperable" when diagnosing me
- Finding half a slug at the bottom of my salad bowl
- Someone that I cannot escape from describing their dreams in vivid detail to me
- Hangnails on all fingers and toes
- Papercut on my eyeball
- Ebola Zaire
- My car engine blows up just as I'm about to sell it
- Someone saying "she seems nice" when describing meeting me for the first time
- Maggots

Instead may I recommend the following activities:
- Beer
- Patio
- Doobies
- Spicy chicken wings

Thank you for your support.

Regards,
Mr. Bunndini