Girls It Ain't Easy

I'm doing too much of this:

When I'd rather be doing this:

This Is The Dawning Of The Age Of Asparagus

Kids here's how it happens: Once minute you are admiring your wrinkle-less skin in the mirror of the house you share with half a dozen other marginally employed people and sleeping until 2pm and the next minute you are of an age that you clearly remember your mother being (and also remember that she seemed really old at that time). Unattended twenty-five year high school reunions come and go. Routine mammograms and/or prostate exams are performed. You contemplate dying your grey hairs and next thing you know you are one of those people that wakes up unprompted at 6am on a Saturday morning and spends the next few hours wondering how early is too early to vacuum. If you can hear the downstairs neighbours baby crying at 7:05am is it still too early? What time does the drug store open? Should I start taking iron supplements? What if I fall and I can't get up? Is that smell me?

Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear Every Time You Are Near?

Here are some things I learned on the interweb today when I should have been doing actual work:

- The longest recorded flight of a chicken is 13 seconds

- You are more likely to be killed by a coconut than a shark.

- Chewing gum while peeling onions will keep you from crying.
- In 1386 a pig in France was executed by public hanging for the murder of a child.
- Howdy Doody had 48 freckles.
- Regarding statues in parks: If the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one leg in the air, the person died of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground the person died of natural causes.
- A whale's penis is called a "dork".

Some People Think It's Funny But It's Really Brown And Runny

My Stripper Name is Poutine Nanaimo-Bar

It's a fact if a word ends in "palooza" it is automatically a less interesting event. Don't try to convince me otherwise.

That Monkey Is Really Going To Town

Mr. September

Last Friday Mr. Firepie and I went to the Mojave desert to a little place called Palmdale a few hours northeast of Los Angeles off the quaintly named Pearblossom Highway. By Sunday we were in San Francisco eating lunch outside at The Ferry Building and riding a chilly cable car back to our hotel where room service hamburgers and french fries awaited us. Here are some photos of a little place we spent the day at in the desert. It could use a coat of fresh paint and there was a lot of gay porn scattered around (and some badly spelled racist nazi graffiti) but otherwise it was move-in ready.

Door 219

Mr. Bunndini's stay in the city of New York was short but sweet. Mr. Firepie and I went for a nice walk through Central Park and saw many trees fallen from the big storm. We ate fried mozzarella at Patsy's, looked at some serious art at The Frick, rode the subway, ate messy tacos from La Esquina on the street, bought fancy perfume on 5th Avenue and searched every Duane Reade for Red Vines (to no avail). 

It's Not That Kind of Toddling Town

Atlantic City you are not kidding when you say your sour apple salt water taffy is really sour. It was wrong of me to doubt you and it will never happen again. Also, thanks for the $42 from the slot machine at Caesers and the free bourbon. I would have stayed longer but you are not as fun in the dark.

Funky Cold Medina

Mr. Bunndini is back from travelling by train, plane and automobile around some of the eastern parts of the United Staes of America. I dodged falling trees in central park with Mr. Firepie, drank far too many Yuengling beers in Philly with Dr. Stapler and Algae Frankenstein, played the slot machines in Atlantic City and slept with Conky almost every night. Haikus were written on dirty bar napkins, cheese was consumed in vast quantities and a good time was had by all.  One day we drove to the southern most part of Philly (which looks a lot like the rest of Philly) and took these photos on the scenic drive.

Pump Up The Jams

If you've ever wondered who listens to pounding repetitive dance music when they are not in a club dancing the answer is Dr. Stapler's upstairs neighbour at 7am this morning.