Does This Bigfoot Make My Ass Look Fat?

(To Be Read In A Bigfoot Voice)

RIP Fat Andy

My trip to Princeton and Seattle was decidedly not lackluster. 

The view at Rockridge was the same bullshit gorgeous nature scenario.

I spent an inordinate amount of time in the pool this year

And walked around the lake on a quest for the illusive "Teenage Pregnancy Island" to no avail.

Then I drove like stink for 6 hours through various rain storms and several unsavoury pee break locations.

So Dr. Stapler could fall asleep during the opening credits for the Big Lebowski.

Some meals were more low budget than others.

Some drinks were better than others.

Some sea captains were saltier than others.

Sometimes you walk around a corner with a belly full of red wine and gnocchi and this guy is right there.

But if these are the types of photos you find on your phone when you return home then you know definitively that you had a good time.

The ABC's Of Sid The Cat

Always

Be

Corndog fiesta (beep beep)

Crack Is Wack

But taking the afternoon off to go sailing definitely is not.

If I've Told You Once I've Told You A Million Times

I do not want any of the following:

1. A guy who thinks he's fly

2. A buster

3. Your number

4. To give you mine

5. To meet you anywhere

6. To give you any of my time

If You Fuck With My Artisanal Salted Caramel Chocolate Bar That Cost Me 18 Dollars At That Precious Store On Cordova Street….

… then I will fuck with you right back so hard your head will spin. 

Insane In The Membrane

2 Legit 2 Quit

I'm Not Willy Nelson

I don't recommend riding your bike 20k on the hottest day of the year when you feel like fainting. If you have to do so though I do recommend you take a break and get a 50 minute foot massage from a older chinese man name Jim who will say only one word to you the entire massage which will inexplicably be "ovaries". You might also want to eat an onion bagel with extra smoked salmon cream cheese while sitting on the curb sweating outside of Sollys. After that your only option is a cold shower and then to walk around with your pants off until it's time to drink that cider in your fridge. Happy BC day.