I Will Not Eat Them Sam I Am Because I Poop Grenades Of Ham

Hey Look A Fluffy Cat In A Santa Hat

Thanks for clogging up my email inbox with holiday greetings companies who clog up my inbox the rest of the year with equally unimportant crap I also don't care about.  

When Babies Make that High Pitched Pterodactyl Screching Noise For No Apparent Reason

It's Not That I Don't Care About _____________

It's just that I don't care about your _____________

Blame It On The Lactobacillus Bulgaricus

The answer to the question of whether that yogurt that was best before 3 weeks ago is still good has been determined to be a resounding no. 

How I Really Feel About Christmas

Is That 51 Live Turtles Smuggled In Your Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

A man visits a zoo and the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog. It's a shitzu.