These Cranky Pants Sure Could Use A Wash

When they run out of Brooklyn Lager at The Rumpus Room.

When someone asks me to help them move.

When Ikea is full of screaming children.

When I'm asked if I want to work for free because it will be "great exposure".

When I first see my white veiny legs in the sun after a long winter.

When my mom tries to talk to me about her sex life.

When I smell my own breath after eating spicy noodles at Sha Lin.

When I get an invite to a baby shower.

When someone tells me that they would be excellent at my job because they have really really great taste in music.

When I run into that person I drunkenly made out with that one time.

Awopbopaloobopawopbamboom

Houston!!

I'm Just Going To Book A Flight To Houston

I'm just going to do it. Right now. As soon as I hear back from Algae. Right now. On Expedia. All by myself. Seriously. 

She's Just Little

I Just Met You So Why Must You Try To Hug Me?

Don't Bother Me When I'm Watching My Stories

Homemade Banana Walnut Loaf Just Won't Leave Me Alone

Pug Is A Battlefield

I blame my anti-social weekend behaviour on a two day hangover, a glut of spaghetti bolognese and relentless overcast skies.  

You Otter Know

Who Let the Squirrels Out

Remember that one time on new years day morning when due to a technical glitch none of our iphone alarms went off and Dr. Stapler missed her flight back to Philadelphia?

Everybodys Working For The Weekend

Fat Sal, Françoise and Mr. Kobayashi want to go off the deep end and get it right, get it right. Just a note that if you want a piece of their heart you better start from the start. Additionally, if you want to be in their show then c'mon baby go.

Super Gross With A Side Order Of Gross

Are We There Yet?

If I ever use the acronym TGIF please shiv me in the face immediately but seriously this work week is moving at the speed of molasses. 

Hey Big Spender

I'm so old that I wore those "vintage" clothes when they were new.

Geez Louise

I'm so old that I took a course in third year university on the "information super highway" and our first assignment was to get an "email address". I wrote my papers on a typewriter.

I'm Going To Nap All Weekend And I Don't Care Who Knows It

The weather man/woman/app predicts relentless rain all weekend, I just ate a gigantic bowl of steal cut oatmeal, have brand new jammies and am laundering all my bedding and fluffy couch blankets to prepare myself for two days of deep sloth. Deal with it. 

I Actually Like A Dense Loaf

The roasted turkey and havarti sandwich (with cucumber on cranberry pistachio bread) from Terra Breads puts me into a fugue state. It is also the only acceptable utilization of chutney.

I Would Shiv A Baby For Some Goldfish Crackers Right About Now