His Baby Soft Hands Are One Year Older

And everyone is super excited about it.

Weekends With Conky

These kittens represent what I did in the morning (tylenol night time), afternoon (codeine cough syrup) and evening (neo citran) yesterday. There was also soup.

Charlie Chaplin Went To France To Teach The Ladies The Hula Dance

If these dogs jumping rope have taught us anything, it's that dogs don't care what you're wearing.

Noodles For All My Friends

In case you were wondering, this is what happens inside my brain anytime I am eating a gigantic bowl of noodles washed down with a frothy cold beer.

Monday Morning Severe Cranky Pants Warning

Just a note that if you are planning on corresponding with me today this is the only acceptable form of communication. 

Craptastic Fantastic

Studies show that chicken korma and a bottle of old white white, that may have been in the fridge for upwards of a month, greatly reduces the tightness of ones cranky pants when one has to work until 8pm on a Friday.

Maynards Wine Gums Are The New Black

Each one of these kittens represents a meeting I had over the course of the two and a half days I was in Toronto at TIFF. If you take that number and multiply it by twenty that is the number of free cocktails I had before, during or after those meetings.

Is That A Rainbow In Your Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me

I just ordered super salty french onion soup and super hoppy draught beer in my Toronto hotel room thanks to the wondrous invention called room service. If you need me for the rest of the night I will be reading scripts in my complementary guest robe and girding my loins for the next three days of non-stop TIFF madness. 

Twenty Minutes Down A Dirt Road Outside Of Princeton

It's the same beautiful mountain and lake view every year. The same drinking beer from coffee travel mugs in a big lodge watching bands. The same zip line I always mean to go on but never do. The same pool and lake I never swim in. The same sausages for breakfast every morning. The same dock where if you stand completely still on it you can get cel service for 4-9 minutes if the wind is blowing eastward.

Bad Jokes Roadies Tell

Question: What do you call a french kitchen that has had a bomb thrown in it?

Answer: Linoleum Blownaparte