One Of Those Things You Think Everyone Knows Until You Drunkenly Mention It To A Crowd Of Friends And Blow Their Collective Minds

Statler and Waldorf are both a type of salad.

Goodbye Mr. Frosty Eye Haiku #2

Hitler hated cats

But he never met this guy

It's true look it up

Goodbye Mr. Frosty Eye Haiku #1

One time on Cambie

He wore a wee pirate hat

And gave zero fucks

One time in Philly

He heard Maggie ate a squirrel

And gave zero fucks

One time in Houston

He yelled in my face all night

And gave zero fucks

Surprise! It's A Turkey Sandwich!

Turkey Sandwich (Bigfoot Voice)

It's Not You It's Me

Sorry winter but we are all going to Palm Springs again to avoid you. 

Toronto Freezing Cold Winter Haiku

Dude you are too cold

I don't have sufficient clothes

Wind chill conundrum

It's not you it's me

The Gardiner Express Way

Is that all one word?

Icy street car tracks 

How can a place so freezing 

Have such great pizza?

Slight smell of garbage

Cab from the fucking airport 

55 dollars

Our mayor sucked too 

You would be home already

If you lived right here

I love you Big Smoke

But you're bringing me right down

I'll be back in July

In Queso Emergency Pray To Cheeses

Flat Bottom Shells You Make The Taco World Go Round

Take Heed As I May Be Cranky On The First Day Back To Work After A Nice Long Weekend On Galliano