Do You Like Jam?

                                                                                                      HAMJAMMED (verb, noun). From the French 'jambon':

1. A state of extreme intoxication.
2. Literally having your ham rammed with a nice home-made jam.
3. A traditional Swiss entree often served with rice and gravy.

Mom Genes

No offence to moms of the world; we love you for changing our diapers and putting up with all of our teenage angsty crap. But I would like to propose that instead of the term "Jumping The Shark" we instead use the following phrase: DISCOVERED BY MOM (DBM)

Recent things my mom has discovered:
1. Texting
2. Facebook
3. "Have you heard this Adele singer? She's really good"
4. Pilates

Acai berries are super tasty! You should try yoga!

Is That A Yam With Marshmallows In Your Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

SHEMOMEDJAMO: A Georgian word that roughly translates to the state of being whereby one eats past the point of being full just because the food tastes good.

Estaban Was Eaten

ZISSOU SITUATION (verb): A state of undress whereby a male or female is attired in a toque and any number of other clothing and/or underclothing combinations.

Example of use in a sentence: "Who can really blame her for pulling a major zissou in the hot tub the other night. It was only 6 degrees out."

Nuder Than Your Average Bear

YOGI THE BEAR (verb): A state of undress whereby a male or female wears only a neck tie and nothing else. Said ensemble could also include a collar and cuffs but only on very special occasions.  

Stop, Jammy Time

SWEATPANTSESTHESIA (noun) |ˈswetˌpantsˈTHēZHə: The phenomenon whereby a person comes to the realization that ones sleeping clothing, hanging around the house clothing and running errands clothing have all become the same. 

DERIVATIVESsweatpantsesthete |ˈswetˌpants THēt(noun)sweatpantsesthetic |-ˈTHetik(adjective)

The Deuce is Not Loose

PIERRE LE DEUCE (verb, noun): A small angry goat composed purely of cheese who resides in the digestive tract of a human stubbornly hindering ones ability to defecate. Origin 19th century French (antonym in the sense deuce', to deuce' also deucing').


Pierre's favourite music play list:
"Solid As A Rock" by Ashford and Simpson
"Push It" by Salt-n-Pepa
"I Can't Go For That" by Hall & Oates
"Linger" by The Cranberries
"Backfield In Motion" by Mel and Tim
"The Waiting" by Tom Petty
"Like A Rock" by Bob Segar
"Wishing and Hoping" by Dusty Springfield
"It Ain't Easy" by Three Dog Night
"You Keep Me Hanging On" by The Supremes

So Don't You Get Fresh With Me

FLEMISH OVEN (verb, noun): A gust of putrid wind trapped in an enclosed compartment. Similar to a dutch oven but only occurs after the ingestion of a large quantity of brussels sprouts.

Thank Heaven For Little Squirrels

MUSICAL TOURETTE'S SYNDROME (noun): A mental disorder characterised by an uncontrollable compulsion to change the lyrics of popular songs. Can be highly contagious but is not life threatening.

I Can Put My Arm Back On, You Can't

CRANKY PANTS (noun): The expression of a strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility epitomized through the presence of imaginary trousers.

The tighter the pants the higher the level of corresponding crankiness.

Glockenspelunckingstein

DRUNKASAURUS REX (verb): The most unpredictable and often ill-tempered of the Rex clan, this dangerous creature is responsible for 63% of incomprehensible text messages and 97% of the total worldwide consumption of spicy chicken wings after 11pm.

Solid As A Rock

According to rampant gossip and the interweb, the day of February 29th occurs only once every four years. To celebrate such an auspicious occasion Mr. Bunndini decided to eat a big plate of cheesy greasy eggs and french toast at the Templeton Cafe and then not go into the office. Many errands also occurred including a very short trip to Ikea where no napkins or extraneous items whatsoever were purchased. I can no longer muster up much enthusiasm for household wares with quirky Swedish names but I did need a cheap lamp.

THE IKEA EQUATION (noun): A state of affairs whereby the amount of excitement for an activity is inversely proportional to the amount of times one has performed the activity in the past.

Say It Don't Spray It

POOPASAURUS REX (verb): A distant cousin of Conkasaurus Rex, this dangerous creature visits people who have eaten suspect prawns, undercooked chicken and/or raw fruit from street vendors in Jakarta.

Portage On Over Here And Voulez-Vous Couchez Avec Moi

JACQUES FRONTENAC: A large piece of woolen or similar material used as a bed covering or other covering for warmth which possesses a distinctive pattern and personality. Speaks in a french accent and is often territorial of other blankets and/or significant others.

Free The Meatballs

WANGO TANGO (verb): Two men spending time together in a WANG CHUNG state of undress. Can be performed by persons who are heterosexual, homosexual or a combination of the two. 

Ain't No Party Like A Lint Brush Party

BEARDRUFF (noun): Flaky detritus expelled from the beard of a man (or woman). Often evident when the afflicted wears dark coloured clothing.

Back Off Boys

THE MEAT SWEATS (noun, verb): Excessive moisture exuded through pores of the skin as a reaction to a large consumption of meat.

Don't Hold The Mayo

HANGRY (verb): Having a strong feeling of annoyance displeasure or hostility caused by hunger.

The Streets Are Not Safe Tonight

CONKASAURUS REX (verb): A dangerous creature who visits people on the verge of sleep and crushes them into submission. 

Often works in conjunction with various soft fluffy blanket accomplices such as Jacques Frontenac and Pinky Tuscadero.

Das Hemd Das Klempt

MERKIN (noun): An artificial covering of hair for the pubic area.

SAVALAS (noun): A flesh covering for the pubic area.  The opposite of a merkin. Also known as a Mr. Clean.