Now With 75% More Raisins!

DAY OLD MUFFIN (noun): A person with a dire lack of finances or motivation who unknowingly exhibits pitiful behaviour but remains endearing regardless.

Behaviours could include but are not limited to; sleeping on an air mattress in your friends guestroom for months, hemming your pants with staples, crying at the bar and eating nothing but a dented can of beans for dinner.

Detritus

Can we all agree that the world’s worst job may be home birthing pool drainer?

Mr. Bunndini Hates Camping

Dear Nature : You look really great from the safety of my Princeton hotel room but why do you have to block my wi-fi and cel service? I thought we could be friends.

Mr. Bunndini’s Brilliant Inventions: The Food Addition

Mr. Bunndini likes to eat and is also very lazy which, along with age and gravity, may explain the flabby upper arms. I also regularly eat food that others find repugnant like marmite, pickled eggs, liver and onions, Thrills gum, really stinky blue cheeses, kim chee and sardines. But despite the plethora of good eats I have at my disposal there are still a few snacks that I long for and these in particular keep me up at night:

HP Sauce flavored potato chips
Bacon bit embedded processed cheese slices
Marzipan Kit Kat chocolate bar

I Like The Cut Of Your Jib

Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine.

Crazy On You

BARRACOUGAR (noun): A woman over the age of 40 whose sexual advances are so extreme and tenacious that they render her victim completely defenseless and unable to resist regardless of degree of actual interest.

May later result in a horrific bout of ball churning.

* This post brought to you in part by the tall and charming Mr. Moustachio.

Nobody Likes A Quitter

GLOCKENSPEIL (verb, noun, adjective, adverb): A secret code word used to alert a friend in a dire state of drunkenness that their embarrassing behaviour has rendered them unable to conduct themselves in an appropriate manner. Often occurs immediately prior to hailing a cab.

See also Frankenstein, Sunny Side Up and Pudding Pops.

Corn Nutz Big Adventure

You don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me. I'm a loner Dottie. A rebel.

On The Hamsterfront

You don't understand. I coulda had class. I coulda been a contender. I coulda been somebody, instead of a bum, which is what I am, let's face it.

Thou Art To Me A Delicious Torment

I don’t know if I mentioned it already but Mr. Bunndini has officially declared it hamster week.



(this could possibly also include other small rodents such as guinea pigs, gerbils and squirrels but for the sake of clarity we are going to put them all under the hamster banner).