Tiny Snickers Bar! (Bigfoot Voice)

Love Disinfection

DTF moist patch seeks inconsiderate turkey with a messiah complex for salsa dance partner. Must be available Wednesdays.

Love Convection

Poodle cross with a nasty case of shingles seeks down-to-earth sagittarius for slow walks on the beach and pillow fights. Must be lactose intolerant.

Love Reflection

Left slipper seeks right for awkward brunches and ....? No fatties.

Love Insurrection

Tiny muffin seeks strong smelling woman to help install kitchen cabinets. No guilt trips. 

Love Imperfection

Glass eye seeks caramel apple for discreet encounters in the Whole Foods women's bathroom. Vaccinations required. 

Love Projection

SWF with a hummus fetish seeks same. Accountants welcome.

Love Connection

Do you like to party? This big beautiful presbyterian will roll you up in a duvet and treat you like the nasty burrito you are. Must own car. 

It Don't Mean A Thing If It Ain't Got Chicken Wings

Winter Is Coming

Is That A Yam With Marshmallows In Your Pants Or Are You Just Glad To See Me?

SHEMOMEDJAMO: A Georgian word that roughly translates to the state of being whereby one eats past the point of being full just because the food tastes good.

Super Tight Cranky Pants All Up In Your Business Haiku: Late Addition

Pumpkin spice my ass

I'll take a nice dry red wine

Leave the bottle please

I Couldn't Help But Wonder….

Super Tight Cranky Pants All Up In Your Business Haiku

I hate everyone

Shut the fuck up barky dog

Poisoned hamburger

Seriously dude

I'll punch you in the dunkers

Square in the dunkers

 I'm so not kidding

Volvo lady drive faster

Watch me rear end you

Fist upside the head

You mistook me for someone

Who cares what you think

Don't answer the phone 

Just smoke a big fat doobie

Popcorn sandwiches

Waiting To Deplane In YVR Airport Haiku

Back of seat kicker

Peanut salt finger licker

I will not miss you

Grumpy Winnipeg Airport Haiku

Hey TGIF

How can these fries be soggy

And yet also burnt

Nice work business man

You know all the words to that 

Fucking country song

Girl with no shoes on

You're bogarting the outlet

I want to mace you

Loud iPad couple 

Everybody does not

Love Raymond like you

Do you really need

That big gigantic pillow

To fly to Brandon?

Sorry middle seat

But my left armpit kind of 

Smells like fried chicken